My REAL Identity.

Yesterday, I reluctantly went to church without my husband. He had really hurt his back and decided to stay off of it as much as he could. I opened the front door and turned back and said, “are you sure you don’t want to come? I’ll wait for you.” I knew the answer, but it didn’t hurt to ask, right?

I climbed into my car, alone, and drove away. What was this feeling? I couldn’t shake it. I go places without him all the time, so why do I feel like a part of my identity was missing?

Then it dawned on me…a part of my identity WAS missing. Before you pick up your phone to call the shrink on my behalf to discuss a personality disorder I may have, just listen. Because I am Haleigh, 25 years old, and married, Daniel IS, in fact, a part of my identity. A big part actually. When I decided to marry him I gave up my former identity to take on his. So now when people see me, they think of him and when people see him, they think of me. I can just hear the feminist turning in their graves, but it’s true.

I arrived to the church and parked, waiting to go inside, wishing still, Daniel was with me. I wrestled with myself for a few minutes.

“But who will I talk to?”, I asked myself. “You have friends.”, I answered. “But who will walk with me, or sit with me?” “There are others you can sit with.” “This is silly, you go places all the time without him, just go inside already.”

I took a deep breath and then I heard God whisper, “Do you feel this way about me?” “What?” I thought, as tears streamed down my face. “Are you uncomfortable when you leave the house to face the world without me? Do you want me to sit with you or talk to you when you’re lonely? Am I a part of your identity?”

Woah...Isn’t it just like God to interrupt us as we walk oblivious sometimes? I just sat there, I couldn’t do or say anything. I thought about this revelation God had just spoken to me out of a few simple words.

So, I had to ask myself, is God a part of my identity? Is He a part of yours? Yes, I gave up my old ways to follow His, my old name to take His, but was it just an exchange that I pick up and put down when I please or did He really become a part of my identity?

This may sound like an easy answer. Yes! Yes, God is a part of my identity. But how often do we forget to invite Him to sit at the dinner table with us, or join in a conversation with friends? Or to sit in the back seat of the car while we bring our girlfriend/boyfriend home? When we begin to start treating our relationship with God like a marriage, rather than a couple of one night stands (yes, I went there), then that’s when God really becomes part of our identity and it's not just you that's seen, but it's Him.

I pray that God makes us uncomfortable when we forget Him, or when we get too busy or distracted to invite Him. I pray we make Him a part of our identity. I pray that we don’t want to move, speak, walk, breath, or live without Him in the midst of everything we do. I pray that when people see me, they see my true identity. Jesus Christ living inside of me.